(This piece is a SATIRE…I have always fed my dogs three times daily as well as treats!)

 

LET YOUR DOG FAST

Letter to the Editor for an article suggestion I’d like to write:

Dear Mr. Warren,

With the coming of the holidays, I would like to write an article for your inspirational periodical entitled simply, ‘Let Your dog Fast’.  Christmas is always a frenzied time and Christians cannot be expected to fast on the one hand while attending parties and baking cookies on the other.  My solution:

On days I feel the need to fast, I just don’t feed Rover.  This may seem strange but the consequence is this:  Rover barks all night and keeps me awake.  So instead of sleeping, the noise reminds me to pray.  Granted, much of my prayer is that the stupid dog will stop barking so I can get some rest; but I always try to pray for other things as well – sometimes for you.  A great side benefit is that my neighbors, who are Christians as well, cannot sleep either.  I know they welcome the opportunity to get in a few extra hours of prayer that could not be worked in during December otherwise.

My last dog, Spot (God rest his soul), was of invaluable use to me during a pressing time of my life.  I was faced with a decision to marry Douglas, the town undertaker.  I knew more than a one-day fast was called for and when the month-long fast was brought prematurely to an end by Spot’s sudden demise, it seemed as though God had supplied the answer by supplying my needs with a finance’ who knew how to dig holes.

A side benefit came in my discovery of the oriental art of cooking dog-meat.  Douglas was so used to eating out of a can that he raved over my ‘special ingredient’ for burgers, spaghetti sauce, chili, and his all time favorite – country fried steak!  These recipes are included in a side-bar for the article.  (You’re welcome!)

I hope your Christmas time will be as blessed as mine and as fragrant with loving smells from the kitchen.  I will look forward to hearing from you and can supply photographs of dogs and ‘dog food’.  Douglas is working on a follow-up article on fun ideas for pet graves called, “Dug by Doug”.

Yours truly,

Santa Clause

AND HAVE A HAPPY NEW YEAR!

(Maybe this is why editors call these letters “QUEERY”