OD’S DREAM FOR MY LIFE

As a child I was raised in the Church of Christ.  There I was taught and believed that only people from our denomination would go to heaven.  I was the only one from this church in my elementary grades and felt so sorry for the others in my class.  I was extremely shy and just pondered all of this in my heart.

After being saved at Briarwood in my thirties I remained very shy and quiet.  Yet I wanted for others what I had found in my faith.  I knew from having spent 31 years away from knowing God of how much darkness unsaved people were living with.  But as much as my heart wanted them to know the Lord, my mouth remained closed.  Being at a very mission-minded church only added to my feelings of guilt and frustration at not being able to witness.

Once when in a drug store, the Lord laid a woman there so heavily on my heart and I prayed for Him to “just open my mouth”.  I knew the words to say perfectly and even had my hand clutching a tract in the pocket of my jacket as I approached her.  I got right up in her face, my hand trembling and holding onto the tract so tightly it almost ripped.  The Lord was faithful to answer my prayer very specifically:  my mouth DID in fact open as I stood there before her, hand still in my pocket and mouth open.  That was as far as my witnessing went.  I had practiced in my mind so often words I wanted to say to share with the lost.  Having the gift of discernment so strong on my life, I could see the desperation and hopelessness in this woman’s eyes, her face and her whole body language.  I knew I had the answer, but after a time with no words coming out, I quickly turned and walked away.

After coming to Liberty and receiving the baptism of the Holy Spirit, the non-verbal part of me was knocked off at the alter as I was struck down during the times of refreshing.  I received 6 days of the drunkenness of the Holy Spirit during which time the Lord removed the part of me that fears public speaking or even just speaking period.  I signed up for the very first EE class that was offered after joining Liberty and I remember on my way to the first class when I stopped for gas seeing a teenage girl whose car announced proudly she was a Satanist.  Her finger was dyed black and I could see evil in her eyes.  I cried out to the Lord, “If only I had completed the course instead of just beginning it.”  I was very sorrowful for her and this disturbed me to the point that I wanted every opportunity I could take to practice boldly witnessing of the Gospel.

Since that time I have taken 3 EE courses and the Lord has put a dream in my mind and spirit of standing and speaking with conviction and compelling authority to groups of people who are lost.  This would be a miracle since I would not even answer “here” in large Sunday School classes at Briarwood when I was first saved due to my shyness and fear of speaking in front of people.  Only God could have put this into my heart, but I only want others to be freed from the bondage I was in for so many years.  I was 47 before I stopped resisting the Holy Spirit and allowed him to fill me with His power and authority.  My dream is to not waste the gifts of teaching and evangelism that He has so graciously given me.

My one burning desire is to stand and proclaim the gospel in such a way that lost people hearing the words of holy righteousness will not be able to resist the Lord.  I want to proclaim the choice of Heaven or hell, of choosing Jesus or choosing satan; choosing to live in whole-hearted righteousness or to continue to choose your own path; and to proclaim it without excuse but with such authority and conviction that every person will pray and ask Jesus to be their Lord for all eternity.

I believe that the Lord has orchestrated this very long work in my life with the tiny steps I have taken so far toward this.  He has very graciously allowed me the time to raise my family.  My youngest daughter is now in college.  My marriage has at last been healed after 22 years of anguish and division.  I feel that within the next 2-3 years my other daughter will also be serving the Lord and that our business will be more established and I will be freed from responsibilities more than right now.  I look forward to obediently following God’s leading toward the day when his dream for my life will be a reality.